At my job I have about 65 clients or so that I work with on a fairly regular basis.  Some of them are very nice, some could be described as evil and some are just flat out stupid.  Either they’re stupid or just don’t want to put in the effort to think about anything.  I could go on and on about the stupid and evil ones for hours and one day I probably will; but today I want to discuss something that some of the nice ones do that really gets under my skin.  I’ll send them an email letting them know that I have completed the mundane task they’ve asked me to do for them and while most will reply back with a simple thank you, some will replay back with something like, “you’re a rock star”.  I understand they are trying to be nice but to me this is pretty condescending.  Don’t talk to me like I’m in 5th grade.  Am I supposed to get all excited because you called me a rock star?  Am I rock star because I just did what I was asked or told to do?  That doesn’t make sense.  I’m the furthest thing from a rock star.  I’m an Account manager in corporate America.  I’m not up doing blow with hookers and trashing hotel rooms on a Tuesday night, I’m sitting on the couch watching baseball.  All calling me a rock star does is remind me of how depressing my current occupation is.  So please, just say thanks or don’t say anything at all.  I honestly don’t care nor do I need your recognition for doing something that could be done by an idiot.  Besides, personality wise I much closer to being a folk singer than a rock star.

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I’ll move from something that irritates me about my job to something that kind of makes me laugh.  There is this dude at my work who is a total hoverer.  Do you remember that guy from Seinfeld that would sort of sneak up behind Elaine and get the credit for work she did?  She gave him Tic Tacs to carry around so she could hear him coming.  Anyway, this guy is different, but it’s a similar idea.  He is in a different department from me, but we work pretty close together.  If he needs something, he’ll walk up behind you while you’re at your desk and not really say anything at first.  He just makes some weird sounds in hopes that it gets your attention.  If it doesn’t he’ll tap you on your shoulder and say hey in a very nervous tone.  I for one, regardless of if I hear his weirdness or not, pretend I don’t in hopes that he’ll just go away.  I usually pretend that I don’t feel him tapping my shoulder either.  As if that’s not bad enough, he will walk up to your desk and if you are on the phone will stand there until you hang up.  Dude…  come back when I get off of the damn phone, are you serious?  If you laugh at something that the person on the other end of the phone says while he is standing there waiting, he’ll start laughing too… like he heard the joke.  Most people after a minute or two will tell the person that they are on the phone with that they have to go and see what the guy wants.  I don’t do this.  I’ll see that he’s standing at my desk and keep talking for as long as I can.  If it’s a personal call, while looking directly at him, I’ll ask how the person’s family is doing or ask them advice on uncomfortable medical issues like hemorrhoids or herpes.  Whatever I can do to stay on the phone longer or make this guy queasy.  What a creep.

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Whatever happened to the cushion toilet seats?  You used to see them in the 80’s and maybe early 90’s.  I always liked them as a kid but my parents never got one.  You could read War and Peace cover to cover without your butt getting numb on those things.  I think they need to bring them back and just change the material a tad.  Do you remember when it was sort of hot out your ass would stick to the seat a little bit?  It was kind of a hard plastic.  Now if you changed the material it would obviously have to be something water resistant.  There are too many guys who just spray all over the place and don’t bother to lift the seat up when they’re going.  I was initially thinking leather, but I don’t think that will work.  Feel free to send in ideas if you have any. 

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A quick question.  Does anyone know anyone I can pay to steal something me?  There is a local restaurant with a certain antique statue of Groucho Marx.  I want it really bad, but I don’t think they’re selling it.  If I try to steal it, I’ll get caught.  My girlfriend would catch me in a foot race.  She’s fast though, so a better example would be the hostess of the place in high heels would catch me in a foot race.  So if there is anyone out there with some balls, wants to make a quick 50 bucks and can run really fast, hit me up.

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I would like to end this by wishing a happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers out there.  I also want to wish a happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers to be.  From what I hear, having a pregnant wife is no walk in the park.  I wanted to make sure I said this because I am such a big fan of my own Dad.  He’s one of the funniest, most caring and generous people I have ever met.  He worked his ass off so I could be a spoiled, punk brat and he never complained (not to me anyway) about it.  The one thing I don’t like about Father’s Day is that it usually means I have to wake up early on Sunday.  What can do?  Anyway, thanks for everything Dad and enjoy your retirement.  You deserve it.

 

As a quick little by the way, I am truly saddened by the sudden passing of Tim Russert.  Obviously I never met him, but I felt that there wasn’t a news man out there who was more honest, fair, thorough and trustworthy than him.  I can’t imagine following the campaign this year without him covering it.  I mention this along with my Father’s Day wishes because he was so famous for being such a devoted father and son.  He was 58.