An AP poll just came out saying that more Americans would rather sit down and watch a football game with Obama than McCain.  It was close, but Obama edged McCain out 50% to 47%.  The other 3% opted for Sarah Palin because she supposedly makes a killer seven layer dip.  Polls like this have always been a little silly to me, but they do tend to give an idea as to how people are going to vote.  I think George W. Bush won the, who would you rather have a beer with poll in 2000 and 2004.  It’s too bad they didn’t run a, who would you rather have as your president in the case of a major hurricane poll.  It’s not shocking to me that more people would rather watch a football game with Obama, considering he probably wouldn’t fall asleep by the second quarter on the recliner like the other option.  The one thing McCain has going for him on this is his wife would probably be able to hook up plenty of free Budweiser.  Although Obama came out ahead, I still think polls like this distract from the real issues, which is a good thing for the McCain campaign.  When the campaigns have been talking about real issues like the economy, Obama has had the edge.  When the campaigns have veered towards lipstick on farm animals, McCain has had the slight edge.  But I guess while we’re talking about it I thought I would come up with a few imaginary polls and see how the candidates fared. 

Which candidate would you rather date your daughter?

  Obama did overwhelmingly better than McCain on this.  90% to 9.999%.  The only place Obama had issues here was with Southern whites and the only place McCain did really well was with parents over the age of 100.  The .001% choosing neither was Vice President Dick Cheney who chose Sarah Palin.

Which candidate would you rather have as your boss? 

  This one was somewhat split.  McCain came out on top 55% to 45%.  What won it for McCain was the corporate and white collar workers who thought that if Obama was their boss they would actually have to work while it would be much easier to slack off and surf the internet all day under McCain’s watch.  The people working blue collar and lower income jobs chose Obama because they thought it would give them a better chance of getting some kind of health care and they may get salary bumps allowing them to afford something more nutritious than Spam and Hot Pockets for lunch.

Which candidate would you rather wrestle? 

  60% would rather wrestle McCain considering he is quite older and would probably be much easier to catch and pin down.  39.999% chose Obama fearing any crazy death grips McCain may remember from his old military days.  The .001% that wrote in his own vote was former President Bill Clinton choosing Sarah Palin.

If you were in a public restroom and ran out of toilet paper; which candidate would you rather have in the stall next to you to loan you a few sheets of their’s?

  Obama won here in a landslide 90% to9.999%. McCain only did well with the CEOs and Wall Street guys who figured McCain probably had a ton extra because he had taken all of the toilet paper from the public restrooms in the poorer areas to make sure he had plenty to hand out to the people who should already easily be able to afford their own.  Obama did well with everyone else.  The middle class, the blue collar workers and union workers who understand that Obama took the extra toilet paper from the people who have a surplus to make sure that all of America gets to wipe their ass.  That and they figured his hands would be cleaner when handing it over because there is far less of a chance of him messing his pants.  The .001% that chose someone else was Republican Senator Larry Craig from Idaho who chose George Michael.