I’ve been a little busy lately so I haven’t had a chance to update my blog.  For the off chance that anyone is randomly going to it without me sending updates, I thought it would be a good idea to add some content.  I also had an idea that since I have so much old stuff that I have written in the past that I never showed anyone, I can post it now.  I used to write a ton of poems.  This first one here was written I am guessing in 2002 during a long stretch of being unemployed.  I have a lot from that period of time.  It’s called A Girl Like You.  To be honest, I don’t even think I was writing about anyone in particular.  I just thought it was a funny idea.  Anyway, it’s pretty much point less, but hopefully it’ll make you giggle.

A Girl Like You

If I ever had a chance to meet a girl like you

I would finally learn how to tie my shoe.

I would learn how to drive bus

And I would name my first daughter Gus.

I would stop spray-painting bad words on buildings and cars

And I would stop faking seizures while at the bars.

If I could ever have a chance to talk to a girl like you

I would start taking bubble baths in Mountain Dew.

I would throw away my favorite socks

I would have surgery to make my ears bigger than Dr. Spok’s .

For a girl like you I would wear a tight, ribbed turtle-neck

Get a job and stop collecting unemployment checks.

I may even start exercising a little bit

And stop reading Playboy while I’m taking a shit.

I would shave weird twisty designs on the side of my head

Join the circus and change my name to Milk Bone Fred

I would dance in a jar of pickles all day

But I might start doing that anyway.

Meeting a girl like you would make me a new man.

For you I would get into a fight with Jackie Chan.

I would start wearing one of those ear pieces that connects to my cell phone

And I would start wearing Listerine instead of your basic cologne

I’ll ask a flamingo if he’ll teach me how to fly

Then I’ll go to church wearing nothing but a bow tie

I don’t get chances to meet girls like you very often

But next time I do I’ll take her hand then we’ll marry down in Laughlin

I guess you’re a girl like you; have any plans for this Sunday?

Well I guess if you’re busy we could…hey wait…why are you running away?

I guess she was in a hurry…she took off in such a blur.

But boy what I wouldn’t do, to meet a girl like her.