Hello everyone.  I hope you all had a good New Years and 2009 is starting out ok for you.  The first thing I want to do is apologize to the girl with the small head I saw at a bar on Polk Street last Friday.  I wasn’t making fun of her, but I was pointing her out to my friends and looking in amazement at how small her head was.  I am not one to talk.  I have a really big head.  I mean, her head was smaller than mine is big but none the less.  She was dancing, laughing and seemed to be having a great time.  So I think we should all be really happy for her that she hasn’t let that small head hold her back.  I think a good New Years resolution for me would be to keep comments about other’s appearances to myself; especially if it is a physical appearance that they can’t help.  If someone is really dressed like and idiot though or has made a really bad hair choice, I think a little ripping is still appropriate. 

I never really make New Years resolutions, not ones that I keep anyway.  I may try this year though.  One would be for me to be smarter with my money.  The other one would be for me to be better about remembering to take my Propecia every morning so I don’t go bald.  Not that there is anything wrong with being bald, but lets face it; if you had the choice you wouldn’t choose bald.  This one should be easier than the first.  I only forget once or twice a week, but I suppose easy goals are easier to achieve and that’s what I am going for.  Lastly, I guess a good one would be to update this page more.  At this rate my favorite 100 movie list count down won’t be done until about 2018.

Enough about me, I have some resolution suggestions for the people out there.  Forget about quitting smoking and losing weight.  Those are boring.  Everyone does that.  How about doing something for someone else?  Here are a couple of ideas.  Quit talking about your job to people you don’t work with or to people that don’t ask.  Seriously, no one cares.  If someone asks, than by all means indulge yourself.  If you have a funny story from the office, then go for it. Goofy office stories can be entertaining.   Otherwise, just keep your work and so called expertise to yourself.  It’s boring and egotistical.  Good for you if you love your job so much you just want to talk about it all the time; but if you love it that much go back to the office instead of boring everyone else.  Another thing that some people really need to work on is to stop talking like Borat.  Ok, it was sort of funny when it was new.  I mean it was sort of funny when it was new and he was doing it.  It’s not funny when you do it, it’s annoying.  I’ll take this a little further.  Stop using quotes and voices from TV shows and movies and using them as your own jokes.  This goes out to a lot of you Family Guy and Simpson’s fans.  I have no problem with quoting movies here and there when talking with your friends or making some Seinfeld references, but when this is your only source of making anyone laugh, you either need to work harder on your own material or accept the fact that you aren’t funny and should just work on being a nice person.  Ok, last one and I’ll move on.  If you want to get someone in your office a card or gift for a birthday, wedding, baby being born or whatever; go ahead and do it without pressuring your coworkers to pitch in.  Sorry girls, you really are the culprits here.  Next time a birthday card gets passed to you at work, read what everyone has written.  All pretty much pointless and generic stuff, right?  And nothing is more awkward than standing around the person’s desk with a cake singing Happy Birthday.  Once the song is over, everyone usually just stands there with nothing interesting to say.  Do you know why this is?  Most coworkers aren’t great friends outside of work.  There are exceptions.  I do have friends in my office, but those friends would never in a million years want me to organize an embarrassing sing along next to their desk or give them a card signed by people they hardly know.  It’s nothing personal.  I would never feel like anyone I work with should be obligated to get me anything for any reason and I’m sure most people feel the same way.  I don’t even exchange birthday gifts or cards with most of my best friends who I have known for years.  So there you go.  A few things for you to work on in 2009.

I had a really good New Years weekend, but I think it left me a bit under the weather.  Now I am fighting a little sore throat and cold.  I want to fight it at least long enough until I get the college basketball game for my new PS3.  I would hate to have to take a sick day before I am able to spend it playing video games.  I know vitamin c is important to take, but does anyone have any suggestions to fight this cold other than the Cold-EEZE throat drops?  I think they work, but they leave the worst taste in my mouth and ruin everything I eat all day.  I am not sure it’s worth it.

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ANOTHER REASON WHY I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO

My new and very popular segment is back.

I was on the muni heading home from work early the day after Christmas and I saw one of those guys who makes balloon animals sitting on the other end of the train.  He was wearing some sort of balloon crown.  Anyway, he couldn’t have been much older than 22 or 23.  I was watching him make some animals because it was somewhat more entertaining than staring off in to space.  All of the sudden he makes a huge penis with balls attached and hands it to a girl sitting across from him.  Before you think this is completely inappropriate, the girl did appear to be of age and definitely got a kick out of it.  I almost fell on the floor.  Where else does this stuff happen?

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Take care everyone, I will be back soon.  I hope your first week back at work after the holidays isn’t as much of a punch in the gut as mine. 

One more thing.  Is it that hard to say thank you when someone holds the elevator door for you?  Not like I need incentive to do something nice for someone, but come on.  We’re all just trying to get by.